Nice morning

During the summer months, I'm faced with a terrible dilemma when getting to sleep. I either a) Keep the windows closed and suffocate in the third-storey heat, or b) Open the windows and let the cool air and the noise of William Street in. Lately I've been doing the latter. And you get some pretty nutty stuff wafting in through the window at 2-3 in the morning.

The night before last I heard a bunch of people out drinking down the street. And I heard the progression of one fella as he got more and more drunk, staggered up the road, and started puking. It was kinda funny for something that was fucking with my sleep.

Last night the bat-shit crazy lady who lives up the road was out in the middle of the road for probably an hour, squawking. It's her thing; she'll push her shopping cart (?) up the road, maybe taking a step every 30 seconds. And all the while very audibly grunting and yelling. I can't remember exactly some of the stuff she was saying, as I was on the cusp of consciousness, but it was all so random. A five or six word phrase about something, and usually punctuated by "FUCKING COCKSUCKER!" And then lather, rinse, and repeat.

Not condusive to sleeping. I may have to invest in a fan to break my dilemma.

So I wake up this morning pretty groggy, but nevertheless plowing through my routine of making breakfast, drinking coffee, and watching an episode of something (today it was Trailer Park Boys). On my way to get a second cup, something caught my eye in the vicinity of the woodstove...

There was a bird in there. A real, very alive, and probably very creosote-covered bird. Just chilling and looking around. A starling, I believe, but an ornithologist I am not. It was a pretty big starling, too, leading me to wonder how the hell it got in there. Sure it could fit down the flue, but through the baffles and all? I thought I was cracking up.

So I opened the front and back doors expecting a "hilarious" chase-the-bird-out-of-the-house-with-a-broom vignette. I went to open the stove door, and the bird freaked out a bit and pressed itself against the corner. But I got it open, and when I stepped back the thing made a bee-line for the front door and outta the house, leaving a little puff of ash on my hearth.

No confrontation, just surreal. I guess the birdscreen on the chimney needs replacing. *sigh*

I've got to stop this self-destructive lifestyle

Summer months are hard on my body. Here's a recap of my boozin' adventures for July.

1. Jon's b-day (July 8)
   A birthday BBQ is a good opportunity. Started at around 2 in the afternoon. It was good times: pretty decent turnout, awesome food. Then around midnight we decided to head to Kooler's on Ropewalk. Didn't last too long, as we were pretty lethargic at that point.
   
2. J&D's wedding (July 13)
   The first of my busy wedding season, this one was a blast. Lovely service -- Min's musical acquaintances provide a nice touch. The reception was fantastic. I was kind of worried, since my supervisor was present, that I'd have to tone it back. But he left at around 9:30, and not only that, left me his drink tickets! Got my drink on, and once again, was a social liability on the dance floor. Most of the screech and cokes made it to my mouth, but some landed on said floor.
   
3. J&L's going away party (July 14)
   A pimps & ho's theme at this shindig, and most of the attendees were all in for it. J&L had to empty out their liquor cabinet, so being the tremendous friend I am, I helped out. I remember grabbing bottles at random, and speaking out loud the ingredients in a Mr. Burns voice as I added shot after shot to the glass. I also had my first cigar there. Good the night of, but lousy the morning after. Another highlight involved wanting to hit the GTP at 1:30, and Don calling Brian and telling him to "hang on, we're coming".
   
4. Mike's wedding (July 21)
   Went out to Gander for this one, which was cool, since I got the opportunity to check out B&M's digs there before they depart for Ottawa. They also put me up for the night (mad props to you, B&M!). The wedding was good stuff, and I managed to catch up with some old friends. After the reception, we headed to Legends for a few more drinks. Gander gets rowdy later in the evening. I think fatigue was more a factor than drunkeness in ending the night, but still good times.
   
5. Milley's stag (July 27)
   What a gong show. Started at my place where I put my recently acquired BBQ to good use. Tossed back a few (lot of) brews and chewed the fat for a while, then Milley had the great idea to share his scotch. After this glass full of wonderful, tasty, smooth-as-silk scotch, I was pretty hammered. Smoked a cigar, then headed to the peelers. It was a good show. Pretty pickled in the morning; but I pulled through, and...
   
6. Random karaoke (July 28)
   Made it to the Georgetown with Tiff and her crew, after talking about it for several weeks. The place was hopping, and there was (and I mean this seriously) a lot of good singing that night! We rocked out until the place shut down. And I think we made some believers...
   

Yeah, so 6 times in 22 days I've gotten bombed. And there's Kelly's and J&J's wedding this weekend, where I'm likely, nay expected, to be a drunken boob again.

Huzzah for summer!

What have I been doing apart from problem drinking?

Lest everybody think that all I do is drink (which is a reasonable impression given my last few posts) I'll give an update on my more mild-mannered life.

Work life

Gotta say, every now and then I love this job. It's gotten better recently, what with my new office that is more spacious and has windows. Natural light is my favourite kind of light. The field work has been pretty cool too; it's nice to spend a day at sea with the folks from the CCG and get paid for it.

Lastly, I participated in an employee survey recently. The turnout was low so they had to resort to bribing people by offering prizes. Found out I won one. Expecting a ballcap, coffee mug, or other company merchandise, I was pleasantly surprised with a bottle of red wine! A company that helps me get drunk is a good company.

Shed construction

During my week off, I tackled building a shed. It's turning out to be a whole lot more work than anticipated, as the ground on which it's being built is terribly lumpy. So far I've got most of the piers laid out, which is a very labour intensive and iterative process of digging, checking for levelness, moving, etc. I should be able to tackle the joists next week. Haven't been able to lately as the weather has been, and this'll sound weird, too nice for heavy work. Also, I had to deal with spanworms (see below).

Lethal chemicals

During my break from shed building, the spanworms came. And heavy. A maple in my neighbour's yard that partially shades mine is now rendered leafless. And the little shaggers got all over my building materials and house. So I got a can of Raid and gassed 'em good! Nothing more satisying than hearing the <thud, thud, thud> of dead spanworm falling from the walls. I got some Killex too, and I hope that the weeds in my yard will meet with a similar fate.

Furniture building

Finally got my bookcase done a couple of weeks ago. Looks pretty decent, if I do say so myself, and so far it's been bearing the weight of hardcovers without collapse.

Now my coffee table is nearing completion. Spent about 2 hours sanding and staining last night, the most onerous of all woodworking tasks. Got pretty dizzy from the fumes; might have to invest in a fan.

There we are... a few more dimensions of Dave. Of course, I do have a few more "being blitzed" anecdotes to share, but those are for another post.

Circus Drunk, pt. 2

Drink till the sun comes up

So this has been a pretty wild Canada Day weekend. Brad and Melissa were back in town, so we met up at Bitters for some grub after work. We made plans to meet up at Trapper's at 11:00, since Brad's brother and sister-in-law were also in town, and the latter needed to be screeched in. In the meantime, I headed to J&L's place and planted the idea of downtown in their heads. From this acorn a mighty oak grew.

We did meet up at Trapper's (oh, and George Street was in "fleece" mode: $10 cover on the street, expensive beer everywhere). But they refused our request for screech-in. On to Christian's... just missed that one (which is a crying shame). Kelly's refused, but I did notice our favourite karaoke host was there. More later.

Craig finally managed to arrange a screechin at this lah-dee-dah place above O'Rielly's called Rain, Drizzle, and Fog (basically the martini bar, without the cockface attitude problem). For an impromptu screechin, it was pretty damn good. I mentioned the idea of Kelly's karaoke, and everyone was sold.

We shut the place down. It was good times. I'm happy they had "Free Bird". We showed the place how it was done. And Brian (host) dazzled all with his version of "Billie Jean".

Craig ended up crashing on my couch, and on Saturday I helped him out with some light fixtures at his place. Not having the materials to finish the job, and being otherwise devoid of plans... we started at my place drinking in the afternoon, of course. Meeting up with us was Geoff and Brad. And not having our fill of karaoke from the previous night, we headed to the Georgetown.

We noticed our beloved host wearing the same shirt as the night before. That's because this maniac had been partying ever since. What a champion. And then he informed us of a party he was heading to afterwards. More later.

Unfortunately, the place was deader than usual. But we belted out some favourites and some new stuff. And good ol' Geoff busted his karaoke cherry with a solid version of "Run to You". High on my renditions of "Born to be Wild" and "White Wedding", I decided to attempt "Living on a Prayer". I ignored the warnings of Brian, and proceeded anyways... which was, to put it charitably, a tactical error. Thankfully Brian was right there to turn down my mic on the really dodgy parts.

So we headed to this party. There was a hot tub and a keg. We were feeling a tad out of place until Craig met up with one of his colleagues. Had it not been so freezing, or had I been a bit drunker, I probably would have splashed in there, but we erred on the side of caution. We drank and drank, ogled the chicks that were in the tub, and watched an awesome Peter Gabriel DVD that was on in the background. Brian and Steph (cute barmaid) showed up eventually and all was well.

Finally, at 5:30am, we called it quits. Bright as day out, and we staggered back to my place where pizza was had before falling into a coma.

Breaking me out of that coma was Brad calling to see if we wanted breakfast at the Bagel Cafe. Really glad I did this, as it was just the tonic. Took 'er easy for most of the day until nightfall when we headed to a bonfire planned by J&L. It was a grand turnout and a good laugh.

I just got back from helping Craig do more with the light fixtures, but sadly we were about two feet short in the wire department so we couldn't complete. But what was done looks pretty damn good. It was a bit grief-laden, given the age of the house and all its foibles, but we managed to make a laugh out of it.

All in all, this has been one of the most surreal 72 hour stints I've ever had, peaking at the moment that I was drinking as the sun rose on this gong-show of a party our karaoke host invited us to.

O Canada!